Your sex life is such a personal thing, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to have sex and we are certainly not going to tell you how you should be doing it! But what do you do if you feel like your sex life is slipping further and further away from you? If you think you are having too little sex, you just don’t feel like sex - even though your partner is doing their best, you feel insecure and if you’re honest you would rather get a good night’s sleep? A temporary loss of libido is common and doesn’t mean the end of your love life. But it might be a sign that you need to be proactive and take steps to relight that fire. Here are our 5 tips to revive your sex life and bring the romance back into the bedroom.
1. Your sex drive is highest around ovulation.
Nature is amazing, we are designed to feel frisky when we are most fertile. Planning sex in your cycle tracker may sound unsexy but a woman’s mood for romance may actually be linked to her menstrual cycle. In the first phase of your cycle, while the egg is maturing, estrogen levels are rising and with it your mood and energy levels. Shortly before ovulation your testosterone levels spike and so too does your libido. Make the most of this hormonal lust boost and plan some romance during your fertile window.
This is where femSense can definitely help. Now you know that around the time you ovulate your sex drive is at its highest - well femSense can tell you when you ovulate. You can use the femSense app to track your cycle and the sensor patch to measure and confirm ovulation. The femSense app will predict your fertile window and help you understand which phase of your cycle you are currently in.
2. Sex toys can help kickstart your lust
Sometimes all you need is something to spark your fire, to tickle your fancy, and wake up your want. In situations like this sex toys can work wonders. There is a huge range of different toys, in every conceivable shape and size and for every possible function. If you are a beginner why not start with something subtle but effective like a vibrator or clitoral stimulator, the market is huge and there are blogs and articles online which can guide you in the right direction. Used together with your partner this is a great way remind yourself about your sexuality and to wake up your libido. Don’t be embarrassed, in the past sex toys may have been considered racy but are now, while perhaps not something you chat to your mother-in-law about, acceptable and commonplace.
3. Plan date nights – preferably based on your cycle
Whether you are in a long-term relationship or meeting a Tinder match for the first time, one thing that all dates have in common, is that they have a better chance of success when they are timed with your cycle in mind. One word – PMS! PMS and the mood swings, physical ailments and general chaos that it can cause can ruin a romantic mood, but there are other, perhaps more subtle, hormonal influences at other times in your cycle too. Your cycle is a daily hormonal fluctuation which influences you both physically and mentally. Hormones vary during the different phases of your cycle and this has a direct influence on your behavior and appearance. We already know that your sex drive increases during your fertile window, but studies have also shown that women smell more attractive to men and even appear more attractive during ovulation. We also know that after ovulation you might feel more loving and emotionally close to your partner. When you are in a relationship your cycle is a bicycle made for two, being aware of how the different phases can affect you, and your partner, can be a positive step towards harmony.
4. Communication is key
“Our sex life is in a slump – nothing has happened in the bedroom for months” - if your friend were to tell you this you would probably advise them to talk to their partner about it. Well, why don’t you take your own advice and do that too? Communication stimulates both the mind and the body.
If one person doesn’t know how the other is feeling, then how can they help? Talk to your partner, about the ordinary day to day things but also about the personal stuff. Have the conversation about contraception but also about what turns you on. Share your feelings and frustrations. If you feel your partner tends to avoid the intimate conversations then try approaching those where they can’t easily get away, try a romantic bath together or even the car! A good tip because you can talk without having to look at one another ;-).
5. Try something new
Do you find that you always have sex in the same place and end up in the same positions? That is bound to get boring in the long run. Spice things up and try something new! Integrate sensual massages into foreplay, buy some sexy underwear or suggest a new position. These are just small changes that should heat things up, but you can aim higher - turn your bedroom into a boudoir with scented candles and rose petals for a romantic evening in bed. Drink wine in a bubble bath and share fantasies, flirt as if you are meeting for the first time, book a hotel room, try sexting, role play or costumes. There are so many ideas! Within a solid relationship and healthy partnership there should be room for experimentation and fun, so let your imagination run wild – that will be the first enjoyable step ;-)